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Hey, welcome to 4ever 2pm KPOP Fan Fic Reviews. This is where you will be picking up your reviews that you have requested at 4ever 2pm.

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My On Flight Boyfriend

Title:My on Flight Boyfriend
Author:Singingintherain
Reviewer: 2pmvietguh
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/8326/my-on-flight-boyfriend-jonghyun-shinee


Title: 5/5

    I really like this title. This title lets the readers know what they would expect out of this story.

Appearance: 8/10

    You've used two posters for "My on Flight Boyfriend". You've used the poster with the girl in glasses the most, but I'll count points for both of the posters. I really like the poster with Onew on the left. The color for the background is pretty, and I like the quote "Running away seemed like the only solution". For that, I'd give a 9/10. As for the other poster, it looks pretty good, I'd give it a 7/10. So. . to average it out. . 8/10.

Forewords: 8/10

    Your foreword was pretty sweet and simple, but the readers get the gist of it. An addition of the description of the characters would've been nice, but other than that, it's a great foreword.

Plot: 19/20

    Miyoung decides to leave New York and move back to Seoul. Onew, her ex-boyfriend, is one of her reasons for doing so. She meets a hot guy, named Kim Jonghyun. Onew is also on the same flight as her. She asks Jonghyun for a favor. Before she could ask him for that favor, he had already knew what it was. (She wanted him to be her fake boyfriend because Onew has already moved on with that anorexic girl, and she hasn't, and is still single) In order to be Miyoung's "boyfriend", the two managed to learn more about each other. Soon, the two moved to business/first class flight, free of charge. Hmm, Onew and anorexic girl also moved to business/first class. So, Jonghyun and Miyoung's acting begins. The two quickly made up a story as to how they met each other. The two's acting are so good, Onew actually believes it. He's jealous. Jonghyun and Miyoung does all kinds of things to make Onew jealous. During the process of the whole "Jonghyun being Miyoung's boyfriend for 16 hours", the two develop feelings for each other.

Have never really done this on reviews, but. . . my favorite parts of the story:

Aww.. .love the part when Jonghyun said: "For the next 16 hours, you can call me your boyfriend" . .so cute!

I really love the cute little moments that Miyoung and Jonghyun have. For example:

"Okay, bye Jonghyun. I guess I'm going to get off the plane!" Jonghyun's eyes flew open. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to sit down. "You are not going anywhere, without me." he flashed his signature smile and grabbed his jansport backpack while handing me my small carryon bag. "Okay, let's go." Jonghyun took my hand and led me out of the plane.

Jonghyun wrapped his arms around me. For a few moments we stood there, frozen. "Look mommy! I want a boyfriend to hug me like that!" a little girl no older than 7 was pointing at me.

My other favorite part was when they were walking around in the airport and etc.

Originality: 17/20

Out of all the fan fics that I've read so far, yours is a total original. I guess I've taken a few points off for the whole guy being girl's fake boyfriend. For some reason, it's a bit of a cliche to me.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12/15

You used all kinds of spelling for thank you in korean, such as: kasminda, kasamnida, and kasmanida. But, I saw that you used kasamnida the most. So, I'm assuming the others were just spelling mistakes? (I spell it in another way, kamsahamnida. But there are different ways to spell it in romanization)

Here's some of the errors/mistakes that I've found. (the words in parenthesis and/or bolded are the correct words)

"Oh I see… so… I'm guessing your (you're) needing a fake boyfriend?"

 "I'm your boyfriend remember? So their (they're) ours."

-" he said pointing to the skank, who was now asleep… drooling. LOL, picture? "-

"Haha, I'm sorry. But that was way too fun~!

"You are way too cocky, my friend."

"Thank God, your (you're) normal again."

"Don't tell me you're scared of turbulence too?"


Flow: 5/5

Your story didn't take too long to progress, nor did it take too quick to progress. You have a good pace for your story. I'm just curious as to whether the story will continue on when they arrive in Seoul, or? . . .I don't know, just curious-

Writing Style: 9/10

I really really love your writing style. Wish I had bits and pieces of that writing style of yours.- These two parts stood out to me the most. It shows your writing style the most. Umm. .am I even making sense? Ok, anyway:

Onew had left me. All alone. I watched as Onew entered his car and drove off, never even looking back to take a last glance at me. As his car raced down the street the sky had gotten darker. The clouds had seemed to have gotten fuller, anyone could tell that it was going to rain soon I stopped looking out the window and back at my lonely table... . .

I walked out of the restaurant and straight for my car. The sound of thunder followed me towards my car. Tears were blinding my eyes but I wouldn't let them fall. I promised my mother that I would never cry for a boy. It started to drizzle as I entered my car. The rain got heavier as I sat there, bringing my mood even sadder. The tears in my eyes were getting heavier as well, they were becoming almost impossible to stop. Mom said I should never cry for trivial reasons like boys, so I'm not going to let mom see me cry. That was exactly what I thought as I stepped out of my car - which was still in the restaurants parking lot - and into the rain. The rain showered over me, drenching every inch of my body. Mom, see? Can you tell that I'm crying? Cause I bet no one would be able to distinguish my tears from the raindrops. I fell to the ground and cried. I rocked back and forth for hours, just sitting there in the rain and crying. ..

Other++ 5/5

Shinee ^-^ Onew's in your story, one of my kpop bias-

Pho. I'm craving for a bowl of Pho right now.

I love your chapter titles: Onew is a Man-whore, The Overly jealous, chicken-loving Onew, The return of Onew and Ms. Anorexic, Onew and Ms. Anorexic Ninja Mode

I honestly don't know why I haven't read your story. It's a really good story! Hope you update soon! ^-^


Total: 88/100

DATE:Thursday, November 4, 2010 TIME:{6:51 PM} COMMENTS:
Comments:
heyooo, this is singingintherain (:

THANKYOUUU for reviewing my story! (:
i seriously appreciate it.
haha, got a few errors i have to fix now. ^^

thankyou for reading it & i'm really glad you have favorite parts to my story :DD

LOL. you must be really Onew biased cause all the chapter titles you love have Onew's name in it! JUST JOKING!

haha THANKYOU AGAIN!!!
 

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