Reviewer: k i m`
Site:  http://2pmvietguh.blogspot.com/
Title:  The Favour
Author: eunmi_18
Fanfic:
Reviewer’s Note:  Sorry I’m so late with this, I was really busy with classes, but here it is.

Title: 3/5
It works but maybe you should have made it a bit stronger or catching. If I were to see this scrolling down, it would peak some interest but I’d probably move on and be like “Probably one of those cliché type stories,” and not even bother to take the time to read it.

Appearance: 7/10
Pretty good, I could do for something else on the side, maybe something that doesn’t look obviously tiled. But overall, the design is simple and light matching the type of mood setting for your story.

Forewords: 7/10
Just what is needed, a bit of character detail and insight. I felt like a bit more was needed or a preview, but overall this was good. Keep in mind, since you’re new at writing well advice a foreword shouldn’t contain much details it should be vague, but at the same time lure the person into reading, and you did a good job of doing so. It may somewhat contrast what I said, but I guess you can take it by character wise, a brief description would be nice.

Plot: 14/20
Mm, honestly I feel like I’ve read through plots like this. Although, there was somewhat a difference, the girl was already in love with him. I mean in most it’s similar in most cases were the girl and guy are friends and they ask for a favor. Usually have the favor be either becoming the girlfriend, boyfriend, or for sex or teaching. Something along those lines, but loved that you still tried to make it your own.

Originality: 15/20
Like I mentioned above you did try to make it your own, but some parts still seemed cliché. The boy in love already with his best friend and would do almost anything for her. Along those lines, but overall it was still good in its own way.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 11/15

Jinki’ face twisted up at the last word and he looked away from his best friend’s face awkwardly. -> Jinki’s face twisted up at the last word and he looked away from his best friend.

Minor mistake.

Jinki then let his face fall between her breasts and began to kiss the nave between them.

I honestly do not know what you mean by “nave” searching it up it has to do with church. So I suggest you fix it.

Okay, I couldn’t find, well I found a lot to be honest. But mostly it was repetitive, the words you used. It’s third person point of view but you could have at least changed it or the beginning. Seeing “He, He, He” over and over, makes it boring in the sorts. And you also have the habit of using “and,” a lot which tend to have the “she doesn’t know any other transition” effect. So use others like “in addition, as well as…” Or you could go straight to the verb using –ing. Like in this:

Soon, he was loved by his school and by his fellow classmates and as the years flew, he found himself falling more and more in love as he watched her develop. The smart and charismatic girl he had loved slowly became a beautiful and curvy woman.

Do you see how much “ands” are used? You could try:

Soon, he was loved by his school, his fellow classmates, and as the years flew by, he found himself falling harder in love as he watched her grew. The smart, charismatic girl he had loved slowly became a beautiful curvaceous woman.

See what I did? Basically you just need to learn how to reword. Another note you use some words that seem awkwardly worded like watched her develop? Should probably be grow, develop means the same thing but in a different type of sense.

Flow: 3/5
The flow was pretty good, a little choppy and repetitive but overall good. You could change the ways you transition things, but otherwise it was good.

Writing Style: 8/10
I actually liked your writing style. It was good, and well not like the other people I review. Who tend to have a few bad things about it, but I liked yours. All I can say is the word choices, in addition to the way you phrase things need work otherwise you’re good, my dear. (:

Other++ 5/5
You requested from us. Mainly for me, which is weird. Hehe, I actually enjoyed reading your story and didn’t want to quit on it. And not bad for a first time writer.

Total: 70/100
See not bad~ I usually give this as a standard or lower, consider yourself pretty good. (: I can actually deal with reading. XD I don’t mean to sound mean, but it was good. XD