Reviewer: 2pmvietguh
Site: http://2pmvietguh.blogspot.com/
Requester: guitarholmes
Fanfic: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/3306/our-thing-under-the-undercover-thing-wip-2pm-wooyoung


Title: 5/5

As a reader, this title would have caught my attention. Undercover thing, of course it would be something along the lines of a fake relationship. I like it.

Appearance: 8/10

The poster has the main character; Wooyoung and YOU (reader)

You've had a different poster for each chapter which is pretty neat. Wished I could do that. But, it would take a while to request and etc. for each and every chapter.- My favorite one's the first one.

Forewords: 8.5/10

The foreword was really short, but it really caught my attention. It was short, but good. It makes me so curious as to how things will be for the two characters when it said "our thing... under the under cover thing... is it going anywhere?". Very curious. As a reader, I would have clicked subscribe and continue my reading.- (Well, I've already done that)


Plot: 17/20

Since this story is still ongoing, I will state what I've read so far.

She is Wooyoung's girlfriend; which is what they consider as their undercover thing) Their moms want to see them get married in the future. Their undercover thing also helps Wooyoung's career. He will be able to avoid dirty rumors by telling people that he has a girlfriend. - There is a Cotillion that will take place soon. On the other hand, Wooyoung asks her to partner up with him on Idol Athletics championship day. (as in cheering for him) So, she will be participating in the Idol Athletics Championship with 2pm.- As the story progress, it seems as if Wooyoung is slowly falling for her without acknowledging it. As for girl main character, she seems to also fall for for him without knowing. For example, she become slightly jealous when she saw Wooyoung with other girls. Later on in the event, she participated in a race. Someone kicked her, causing her to fall while she was running. She sprains her ankle because of the incident back at the field. She is then admitted to a hospital.- Chansung and girl main character seems to be getting close.-  Wooyoung and main girl character are scheduled to be on running man. They will announce their relationship to the public.- She is getting close to Chansung.- Ooh, awkward! Her period came during the whole Cotillion event. - The girl that she met in the bathroom; Wooyoung seems to know her, vice versa.

Originality: 17.5/20

So, I've been criticized with this section before. I have to state this: Originality is based on me, the reviewer. Just because you (as in readers) have read a fan fic or whatever that's similar to this, it doesn't mean that I have. So, this is my opinion, my views, so yeah. . Just had to get that out of the way.

Cliches-

Guy character and girl character are in a fake relationship.

The two don't really like each other, but they would soon fall for each other, without realizing it.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 5.5/15

I've found a lot of grammar and punctuation mistakes. Here are some examples:

You seem to be in present tense, then switched to past. You tend to continuously do that.

Throughout your story, you tend to not capitalize your first letter of a quote.

For example:
"yeah, but I think I can make it, tell her that I’ll come. You can go home now if you want"

Words in parenthesis are the ones that need correction:

And stop calling me ‘YA’ im (I'm) your oppa!” Nagged him (he nagged),

I've seen this mistake a lot- For example: Cause im (I'm) not the kind of girl who is easy to hate.

You're supposed to capitalize I-

i (I) gave him the most pitiful puppy eyes i (I) could ever try, he then checked his watch and finally said

"no, why would you think it's about her(?)" (it's a question. So, you need a question mark)

"i (I) think your phone rings (is ringing)" Cassie's shout woke me up from my quick nap.

My correction examples stops here. But, hopefully, you get the point. You seem to lack apostrophes for don't, didn't, etc. Remember to capitalize the "I" and I'm"

Flow: 4/5

It's a pretty good flow. It didn't take a long time to progress, nor did it take too quick to progress.

Writing Style: 7/10

I like your writing style, although I wished the characters had POVs, especially the main characters, but other than that, a pretty good writing style.

Other++ 5/5

There's Woo Young in it, one of my bias. ^-^ I love the fact that you incorporate reality into it; like him being an idol.

You had Jaebeom in the story. Even though, he was like a cameo. But still.

New korean word leanred: dongseo.

Total: 77.5/100