Reviewer: 2pmvietguh
Site: http://2pmvietguh.blogspot.com/
Requester: baeunalurve19
Fanfic: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/12169




Title: 4/5

As a reader, this title would have gotten my attention and sparked my curiousity.

Appearance: 9/10

The poster contains the main characters; Key, Euna (YOU), Nicole, and
Ki Kwang.

I love the poster! I really love Key's picture!- I also like the 'I have no idea what you call those cartoon thingys' (so slow of me). .cute


Forewords: 7/10

The foreword was pretty sweet and simple. It was a collection of quotes from the characters, yet it informs the readers as to what they should expect in the story.

Plot: 14/20

Since this is still ongoing, I will summarize what I've read so far:

Euna and Key's parents forced the two to get married, because of business ties. They are putting up an act in front of the people who are around them. (family, friends, etc) Key has a girlfriend, Nicole. He manages to maintain his relationship with his girlfriend. On the other hand, Euna doesn't have a boyfriend. One day, Key's mom returns home, and so a formal dinner takes place.- The two are going to go on their honeymoon; Key's mom is sending them to a Private Island. - Euna is attending Dankook University, with one of Key's friend, Jonghyun. At that university, there's this guy, named Lee Ki Kwang, who likes her, and likes to flirt with Euna. He even send her letters, via her locker. On the other hand, Key's mom is registering him into Dankook University; the same college that his friend, Jonghyun, and wife was attending.- Someone is going to stay with Sungjong, Euna's dongsaeng; the person is Onew, their cousin. Sungjong's parents are leaving for Japan and later on, the U.S., they will be gone for a year or two. So, Onew will stay there for the time being.

Originality: 16/20

So, I've been criticized with this section before. I have to state this: Originality is based on me, the reviewer. Just because you (as in readers) have read a fan fic or whatever that's similar to this, it doesn't mean that I have. So, this is my opinion, my views, so yeah. . Just had to get that out of the way.

Cliches-

Key and main girl character hates each other, but I have a feeling that they will soon fall for each other.

They were pretty much forced to get married to each other. (arranged marriage?)


Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 4/15

Major, major grammar errors.

You've used past tense at places that weren't necessary, at all.

Towards the third chapter, I kinda sorta gave up on highlighting each and every grammar/spelling/vocab/punctuation mistakes. I just went ahead and fixed it- There were too many mistakes. I think that it would've taken me a very long time to highlight the mistakes and fix it.- I seem to focus on the errors more than I focused on the story.- You have over a hundred subscribers, I'm not trying to offend, but as a reader, I would've gave up on the first chapter, because of all these mistakes. You have a good plot, but the grammar mistakes, there are too many to even count. Almost, just almost every sentence, there's a mistake.

Here's some of the mistakes that I have found, and changed. The ones in parenthesis are the ones that I have corrected or added.

Omma… why are you married me with this stupid guy (why did you marry me to this stupid guy?)?!

Because I’m afraid that you (were) gonna kill me if I don’t (didn't) say YES! Uwaaahh!

Except for Key, he’s already has girlfriend (he already has a girlfriend)~!

I said to myself with sighed and continue back eating my breakfast foods. (as I sighed and continued to eat my breakfast)

I’ll don’t (I won't) come back here. . .

There were a lot of parts/sentences, where I was like: "what??" For example:

And, she do done ONCE at me!”

I said with full of madness expression as I doing death stare eyes. (I get what kind of expression you're talking about, but it doesn't make sense the way you put it)

“But, she just gets annoyed with me or maybe not me… But! She just gets annoyed, not died!” ("not died?" What do you mean by that? Dead?)

He gave us goodbye hands first before he’s running out to his friends. (Goodbye hands?)

There were a lot, and I mean, a lot of times when I had to re-read a sentence, yet it still didn't make any sense.

I honestly didn't get to fully enjoy the story, because there were so many grammar mistakes. I tried ignoring it, but it was kinda difficult to do so.

Note: I know, I know, this sounds harsh, but as a reviewer, I try to help you see your mistakes so that you can fix it, etc. etc.

Flow: 2.5/5

The story seems to take too long to progress. You're on chapter twelve of the story, yet the story, in my opinion has barely started.

Writing Style: 6/10

Your writing style is okay, I loved how you referred to kpop songs and the scene at the airport; "You're Beautiful"

Other++ 5/5

Shinee and Beast ^-^ Love them-

Total: 67/100

Note: Please don't hate me for my honesty. Like I've said before, as a reviewer, I try to help you see your mistakes, so that you can fix it. Subscribers of baeunalurve19's fan fic, please don't hate me!