Reviewer: 2pmvietguh
Site: http://2pmvietguh.blogspot.com/
Requester: KPOPisLUV
Fanfic: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/11371/hidden-truth-key-kpop-minhwan-seohyun-snsd-taemin

Title: 4/5

As a reader, this would have likely gotten my attention. I would have been very curious as to what the "Hidden truth" was. At first, by just reading the title, I knew that it would've been something about one of the main character's identity and background.

Appearance: 10/10

Wah, I love the poster! Key looks so cute!- The color fits the mood of the story. Umm.. am I making sense here? Hopefully I am?. ..

Forewords: 9/10

This was a great foreword. As a reader, by reading this, I would've known what to expect from this story.. You've described the main characters and even had a few facts about them.

Plot: 18.5/20

Since this is still ongoing, I will summarize what I've read:

Key transfers to SMent High. Seohyun is the vice head prefect. She was in charge of showing Key around the school. Key has been expelled three times already at the other schools. At the beginning, Key has decided to hid his real identity, that he is a gangster. Soon, Seohyun developed feelings for Key. But Tiffany, her friend, likes Key. Key also started to develop feelings for Seohyun. They've known each other for about three months now. Key confesses to her, that he loves her. Seohyun said that she will give him an answer, next time. Seohyun and Key meets, that's when he asked her to be his girlfriend. Coincidently, Tiffany was nearby, because she was running an errand. Her heart's broken.- So the two are now together, but Seohyun doesn't want anyone (especially Tiffany) to know about them being a couple.- While Seohyun and Key were shopping for prom, Key's boss called him. He was to join a robbery with the gang that he was in. Seohyun found out that Key's a gangster. She was shocked, hurt, etc. Reason: Seohyun hates gangsters. Her brother, Jinki was a gangster. .and he got killed by one. She later on breaks up with Key.


Originality: 15/20

(Reviewer's Note: Originality is based on me, the reviewer. Just because you (as in readers) have read a fan fic or whatever that's similar to this, it doesn't mean that I have. So, this is my opinion, my views, so yeah. . Just had to get that out of the way.)

Cliches:

Main girl character likes main guy character, but is afraid of doing so, because her best friend likes main guy character. Main girl character has to choose, either her friend, or the guy that she likes.

Friend sees her best friend and the guy she likes together.

Friend feels betrayed because her friend and the guy she likes are together.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 9/15

Here's some of the mistakes that I have found, and changed. The ones in parenthesis or are in bold are the ones that I have corrected or added.

She was almost perfect,except that she was prejeduced (prejudiced) against gangsters as her brother died because of them.

i (I) wondered as i (I) stared at the prefectorial chart of the previous cohort…actually she do(es) look fierce…

Remember to capitalize the "I's". Because, at time you don't tend to capitalize them, and you're supposed to do that.

As i (I) stared outside the tall building as (-not needed-) a drip of sweat trickled down my forehead.

“Woah!” as i backed away… Then i suddenly remembered about my duty of bring(ing) a new kid around the school .

Sure .. she said .. I'm thinking : ya , of course she must .. That's her job !
(There were at times the lack of apostrophes)

Things became very arkward (awkward) and there was total silence .

There were plenty of mistakes in this paragraph:

Soon , I decided to break the silence . " I .. I .. Can you feel my love .. ? " I said stuttered (stuttering) softly . " Huh .. ? Pardon .. ? What did you say ? " She said . This time .. I overcomed (overcame) my fears and said " I think I've fell in (fallen in) love with you ! I realised (realized) that without seeing you a day , I can't take it ." With a suprised (surprised) look on (at) Seohyun's face , words didn't came (come) out of her mind .

Flow: 4/5

The story had a pretty good pace. It didn't take too long nor did it take too quick to progress.

Writing Style: 9/10

I really like your writing style. I like the way you described the character's mood? Like how they felt.

Other++ 5/5

Key <3

Can't wait for the next update! Oh, and subscribed!

Total: 83.5/100