Reviewer: 2pmvietguh
Site: http://2pmvietguh.blogspot.com/
Requester:HaeGyura
Fanfic: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/6517

Title: 3.5/5
As a reader, this title would've gotten my attention, but not as much. I can somehow already tell that a flirt or playboy will be present in this story.

Appearance: 6/10
The poster's pretty simple. It would've been nice if there was a quote that went along with it. Just my opinion.

Forewords: 7.5/10
Your foreword was pretty short, but that's fine. You were still able to let readers know as to what they should expect when reading your story. I also like how you have both the main characters and supporting characters' personality/description.

Plot: 16/20
Since this story is still ongoing, I will pretty much summarize what I've read so far:


Gyura had just moved, and will be attending Yeongsaen Arts School. She bumps into Jonghyun.- He's a player- He starts to take interest in Gyura. At that school, she meets Taemin, and soon became good friends with him. On the other hand, Jonghyun and Gyura weren't on good terms at the beginning of this story.- There's going to be a prom at their school. Theme is: masquerade. Jonghyun starts to like Gyura. Taemin also likes Gyura. Pretty much without realizing, Jonghyun and Gyura both fall for each other. Anyway, at the prom, Gyura decided to be Taemin's date for prom. That's where her first kiss with Jonghyun took place. He takes her home. Onew, her stepbrother accidentally sees the two kissing. He's furious; he doesn't want her near Jonghyun. He likes his step-sister, as in more than a sister. Onew's departure was pretty sudden. He's going to leave for America and will stay there for a year for his studies. He's asked their cousin, Dara and Cheon Dung to take care of Gyura. Well, on the other hand, summer's coming up, and the Art/English substitute teacher wants them to work on an assignment, as a team. Taemin, Gyura, and Jonghyun all ended up together as a team of three. They were to write an essay about their summer with their team-mates. If they succeed, then they will be given full marks. And so, Jonghyun and Taemin moves into Gyura's house. So many things happened during their summer together. Taemin and Jonghyun confessing their feelings for Gyura, her being confused, as to who she really likes,  etc etc.

Originality: 15/20
(Reviewer's note: Originality is based on me, the reviewer. Just because you (as in readers) have read a fan fic or whatever that's similar to this, it doesn't mean that I have.)

cliches

How the flirt/player at the end, finds someone that he likes/love.


Someone has to be in a coma, in this case, Taemin's sister.

And other small cliches. Other than that, it seemed pretty original to me.


Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 7/15
Here's some of the errors/mistakes that I've found. (the words/phrases that are in parenthesis and/or bolded are the ones that I've corrected)

You tend to use past tense at the wrong time, a lot.

He had (has the) most powerful voice in school. Very good at flirting with girls but unfortunately a player.

“Key ah, I got a planned (plan). Can you help me?”

The students started to howling (howl)  joyfully.

I was really bored when my teacher started to teaching (teach),

“Hmm, she really has a (don't need "a") nice hair,”

I felt icky and it doesn’t (didn't) felt (feel) good.

“Maybe your (you're (you are)) right, I don’t know.”

Come on, camping in summer. I mean, we’re going to write an essay write (right)?

He smiled but it didn’t reached his eyes. But still, I miss him smiling. (I honestly have no idea what you meant by that. His smile didn't reach his eyes? Quite confused here)
It's Kwon JiYong actually, not Ji Young.

Flow: 5/5
In my opinion, the story didn't take too long nor did it take to quick to progress. You have a pretty good pace for you story.

Writing Style: 8/10
I like how you describe your characters and or surroundings, settings, etc.

Other++ 5/5
Shinee <3

“Let’s play a love game play a love game,” that Lady Gaga song fits his situation pretty well. (lols, love the lady gaga reference.)

I really love the part where Taemin said that he would be her Superman and will protect her. So cute!

Total: 73/100