Reviewer: 2pmvietguh
Site: http://2pmvietguh.blogspot.com/
Requester: kauaikoala
Fanfic: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/20446/love-wars-b2st-beast-comedy-hyunseung-korean-lovetriangle-yoseob

Title: 3/5

It was a pretty simple title. Wouldn't have really gotten my attention. But glad that I've gotten the chance to review your story and be able to read it. I would have missed out on a great story.

Appearance: 8/10

I like the poster, but it would've been nice if the main girl character was included in the poster, other than that, like the poster, and the quote.

Forewords: 8.5/10

I like how you had a short teaser for your story.

Although the foreword was short, as a reader, I've gotten the gist of how the story will unfold.

Plot: 19/20

Since this story is still ongoing, I will summarize what I've read so far:

Rin moves to Seoul and is now attending Seoul High. She met Kaya, Ki Kwang, Hyunseung, Yoseob, Doo Joon, Junhyung, and Dongwoon on her first day of school. Both Hyunseung and Yoseob develops feelings for Rin. Rin is pretty much torn in between the two. She doesn't really know who she likes the most. There came a part where Rin's house was robbed. She stays at Yoseob's place for the time being, well not for long, since there was a huge misunderstanding when their friends saw Rin and Yoseob sleeping on the same bed. Hyunseung was pissed when he saw that. He called her a slut and a liar. Tried to punch Yoseob, but Rin got in the way, and so he accidentally punched her. He was shocked and took off, in his truck.- Rin confronted the two guys, asking them if it was true, that they both like her, they said yes. Hyunseung and Yoseob (at Ki Kwang's house) started a food fight. - Later they asked her who she will choose.- Well, on the other hand, Rin looks for a job, and bumps into a woman, in her 30s. She works for SM entertainment. She needed a personal assistant. and so Rin starts working there. Ryan, the guy who she loved back then, and her cousin, Jaebeom comes to Korea and tried to take her back with them to America. She agreed. But later on, was able to stay in Korea.- Rin finally seemed to know who she liked more, and that person is Yoseob. She tries to tell him, but couldn't, since he was either too busy, or was taking a test. Hyunseung asked her to come over for dinner. Anyway, they played tag with Hyunseung's little brother. . . .The two kissed. Yoseob saw it all. Both Hyunseung and Yoseob wanted Rin to make a decision, right there and then. She has to pick one of them. But at the end, Hyunseung and Yoseob left. Rin went into a depression, emo mode and starts to cut herself, and pretty much isolate herself from her friends. Three months later, she returns to school. Things changed a lot. Donjoon and Dongwoon, aren't together anymore. Hyunseung has a girlfriend. Yoseob has a girlfriend.

(I actually cried a bit when I knew how she cut herself and how she returned, and see how everything changed so much within a matter of three months.)

Originality: 15/20

(Reviewer's note: Originality is based on me, the reviewer. Just because you (as in readers) have read a fan fic or whatever that's similar to this, it doesn't mean that I have)

Cliches:

Girl's past

How there's two guys who likes main girl character

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 10.5/15

The words that are in bold, and are in parenthesis, are the words that I have either added or corrected.

I've noticed that you seem to be confused with "there" and their" and "your" and "you're"-

Here are some of the mistakes. . .

"I can't believe your (you're) leaving America"

"Where (We're) together."

There (Their) eyes widened, expecting a different reaction but then they smiled.

. "It's a thank you... for being so nice to me." Then I looked into each of there (their) eyes and smiled.

A few spelling mistakes:

, I started to back up, grossed out, but he grabbed my hand and gave me his belt and the close (clothes).

It was a blast, fairis (ferris) wheels, roller-coasters , bumper cars, and more.

"Be right back, I gotta pick up my brother... Make your self comphortable (comfortable)!"

My throaght (throat) was dry, and I forced myself to swollow (swallow).

Flow: 5/5

Your story didn't take too long nor did it take too quick to progress. You have a good pace so far.

Writing Style: 9.5/10

I really like your writing style, there's no words to describe how neat your writing style is, seriously.

Other++ 5/5

B2st <3

Park Jaebeom <3

I lold so much at Yoseob's failed pranks.

Subscribed. ^-^ Really can't wait for the next update!

Total: 83.5/100