Reviewer: 2pmvietguh
Site: http://2pmvietguh.blogspot.com/
Requester: Staticdream
Fanfic: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/5304/unglamorous-2pm-romance

Title: 4.5/5
As a reader, this title, although it was simple, would have gotten my attention.

Appearance: 8/10
Throughout your story you had three posters. I found the quote that went along with your first poster was interesting; I really liked it. "I'm thinking baby you and I are undeniable but I'm finding now love is unreliable. . . ."

Out of the three posters, my favorite was the last one.

Foreword: 9/10
Your foreword was a bit vague. But, honestly, it caught my attention. As a reader, I wanted to continue reading your story.

Plot: 20/20
    Main girl character has a bachelor's degree in Genetics. She's left home and moved to Seoul because she didn't want to o to Medical School, like her parents wanted. Also, the only college that she was accepted to, was in Seoul. Once she has her Master's Thesis Proposal approved by the board, she will either be leaving for London or Australia. While she was there he program adviser helped her get a part time job and an apartment. That's how she came about on working for 2pm as their assistant/ cleaning lady/babysitter.
    Jay returns to Seoul. It's been nine months since she last saw him. (She likes Jay, vice versa) Junsu takes main girl character to Jay's place. Jay pretty much ignores her present. She's a bit heartbroken and gets drunk, and went to the hospital because she was sleeping on a broken bottle.
    Jay appears at her house. He wanted to meet her.. at the train station. It was her birthday that day. 24 hours. He told her that they have 24 ours left, and that is all. It'll be the end for the two. So, during their train ride, the two "went back in time" when the myspace incident never occurred, (October of '09) how he spent every special, little moment with her. Their day finally came to an end. Yet again, she is heartbroken. Jay is out of her life, for now.
    This story focuses on her almost everyday interactions with the 2pm members and how close their friendship are with one another. Out of the six guys, she's closest to Junho.
    As the story starts to take its courses, main girl character starts to develop feelings for Nichkhun. Nichkhun has have feelings for her for a while now. Guess she hasn't noticed it.
    During one point, she and the guys got into a major argument. How it was triggered? She criticized them, saying that they're "heavily promoted idols". The guys have been pretty much giving her the silent treatment. As for her, she tries to avoid them as much as possible. Fortunately main girl character and the guys made up. So, everything's back to normal.
    As for her schooling, she will be leaving Seoul for another country next March. She hasn't told any of the 2pm members yet. But, as time progressed, the first person that she told about her leaving was Junho. Nichkhun was the last person to know.
    On the other hand, Nichkhun and main girl characters start going out. When he knew about her leaving Seoul, he told her that he would wait for her.
    She thought that Jay wouldn't be in her life in any sort of manner, but she was wrong. There was a rumor going around and pictures of Jay breakin up with his girlfriend at a train platform. Quite harsh.
    Netizens are at it again. Pictures of main girl character and Nichkhun were revealed, along with her picture of Jay, yet again. That's where the drama started to begin. The two, along with the other 2pm members are pretty much forbidden to see one another for the time being.
    Yet, towards the end (kind of) Nichkhun "divorced" his virtual wife. (In my opinion, it's all thanks to Woo Young for revealing main girl character")- Main girl character and Nichkhun's relationship was officially publicized.
    She leaves Seoul to further pursue her dream.
    One year later, Nichkhun comes to find her. He still told her that he would wait for her.
    At the end, after four months (when Nichkhun came to see her) she returned to Seoul. She arrived at one of 2pm's fan greeting, and told him that she has "made a decision".

Originality: 19/20
(Reviewer's note: Originality is based on me, the reviewer. Just because you (as in readers) have read a fan fic or whatever that's similar to this, it doesn't mean that I have)

I tried to look for the cliches within your story, but, I didn't really find any. At first, I thought that there would be a love triangle between main girl character, Jay, and Nichkhun, but I was completely wrong.


Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 12.5/15
There were only minor grammar errors. The ones that I've added or corrected are in bold, italicized and/or are in parenthesis.

Junsu squeezed my arm and mumbled something in my ear as he turned to leave.

“It's so no matter where you go, one of us will always be with you.”

“You're (Your) eyes are still puffy.” he says, putting a piece of chicken on my bowl.

"That can't be the only reason, girls love their hair, you may not act like it all the time, but your (you're) a girl too.”

“No, no sir, I am not anyone's girlfriend, I'm (I've) come in to clean the dorm.”

There were at times where you've gotten confused with your and you're, which wasn't a lot.

Hearing their voices would kill me knowing their (they're) just a call away. I couldn't even bear to follow them on the internet. I'd just get so sad, and so homesick...

Khun must have wanted my hair short, which I don't understand because Jay always said it (he) liked my hair long...Oh. I get it now...


Flow: 5/5
The story didn't take too long to progress, nor did it take too quick. A very good pace-


Writing Style: 10/10
I absolutely love your writing style! I've been around AFF for a while now, make that a year. .ish? Getting off topic here. Anyway, your writing style's completely different than other fanfic writers. I dare say, near flawless. Just my opinion. I swear, if I had like a bit of your writing style, that would be great.


Other++ 5/5
2pm <3

"I told curly, who told poison cheeks who told big foot who told big teeth, who's roomies with smelly.” lol

As a reviewer, I've had the chance to review your story and at the same time enjoyed your story. Your story's really interesting and addicting, I couldn't stop reading! I"m so glad that you've, by chance, given me the chance to review your lovely story! I can't believe I've missed out on such a great story! And, I'm so sorry that it took a while for me to finish your review.

I love how you compared the guys to school subjects:

Jay- Physics
Junho- biology
Taecyeon- English
Junsu- music class + chemistry class.
Chansung- are extracurricular classes: Home Ec, Physical Ed, and even Art and Health class.
Woo Young- recess
Nichkhun- math

Reviewer's note: I'm actually in the midst of writing a fan fic that feats Woo Young and Nichkhun as the main guy characters. (They're idols, famous in this story) Listen to my <3 beat pt. 2- If you could check it out, it would be great. Maybe leave a comment while you're at it? Would appreciate it a lot!


Total: 93/100